The Courage to Like Yourself: sequel to the global bestseller The Courage to be Disliked
- Allen & Unwin
- Jun 15
- 3 min read
Read an extract from The Courage to Like Yourself, sequel to the global bestseller The Courage to be Disliked.
In a world obsessed with standing out, achieving more, and constantly proving our worth, the idea of simply being “ordinary” can feel almost offensive. This extract from the book The Courage to Like Yourself challenges that deeply ingrained mindset through a striking dialogue between a philosopher and a youth. At its heart, the conversation explores our dependence on external validation and asks a confronting question: what if happiness does not come from being exceptional, but from fully accepting ourselves as we are?
Through sharp exchanges and uncomfortable truths, the passage invites readers to rethink individuality, self-worth, and the exhausting pursuit of approval. Rather than encouraging comparison or competition, it presents a quieter but more radical idea — that true confidence begins when we stop needing others to define our value.
PHILOSOPHER: The person who is capable of feeling truly happy only upon being praised will seek to get praised more until the very last moment of their lives. Such a person, having been left in a position of dependence, will lead a life of ceaseless seeking, a life without fulfilment.
YOUTH: Then, what should one do?
PHILOSOPHER: Instead of seeking approval, one has to approve oneself, with one’s own mind.
YOUTH: Approve oneself?
PHILOSOPHER: Having another person decide the worth of ‘me’—that is dependence. Or, determining the worth of ‘me’ oneself—which is called self-reliance. If one were to ask which choice leads to a happy life, the answer should be clear. Your worth is not decided by someone else.
YOUTH: That’s impossible! We don’t have confidence in ourselves, and that’s exactly why we need approval from others!
PHILOSOPHER: That is probably because we don’t have enough courage to be normal. It’s okay to be just as we are. Your place to be is there, without needing to be a special being or be outstanding in any way. Let’s accept our ordinary selves, ourselves as everyone else.
YOUTH: . . . I am an ordinary everyone else without any outstanding qualities?
PHILOSOPHER: Aren’t you?
YOUTH: Ha-ha. Making such insults comes perfectly naturally to you, doesn’t it? That’s the greatest insult I’ve ever received in my life.
PHILOSOPHER: It is not an insult. I am a normal person. And being normal is an aspect of individuality. It is nothing to be ashamed about.
YOUTH: Enough of your wisecracking, you sadist! What person today would not take being told ‘You are a common, ordinary human being’ as an insult? What person would be comforted by hearing ‘That’s individuality, too,’ and take you seriously?
PHILOSOPHER: If you feel insulted by these words, you are probably still trying to be a ‘special me’. Consequently, you seek approval from others. Consequently, you seek to gain admiration and draw attention and continue to live within the framework of problem behaviour.
YOUTH: Stop it! Stop messing around!
PHILOSOPHER: Look, instead of placing worth on being different from people, place worth on being yourself. That is true individuality. A way of living in which, instead of being yourself, you compare yourself to others and try to accentuate only your difference is just a way of living in which you deceive both others and yourself.
YOUTH: You’re saying, rather than laying emphasis on my difference from others, place worth on being myself, even if that’s mediocre?
PHILOSOPHER: Yes. Because your individuality is not something relative—it is absolute.
The Courage to Like Yourself releases 17 June 2026.
The Courage to Like Yourself
by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga
The sequel to the global bestseller, The Courage to be Disliked.
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