Lisa Moule on why there should be more honesty in parenting.

Read a piece penned by Lisa Moule, author of The Mother of All Calamities.

The Mother of All Calamities began from a very personal place—noticing as both a parent and later as a teacher how many of us carry secret worries that we rarely voice. I saw children trying to conform to a system that doesn’t always benefit them. Consequently, I saw parents struggling silently, desperate to protect their children, and too afraid to admit what they were truly going through. I also saw teachers carrying unseen burdens. The internal politics were often just as regressive and punitive as being bullied—the teachers themselves were often treated like aberrant children by the management.  

It became clear to me that the real issue wasn’t individual people—it was the culture, one that made us believe someone had to be at fault: the difficult child, the ‘bully’, the teacher, the parent. This idea of perfection I now see as a figment of the patriarchy and the culture relies on our silence to perpetuate it.  

When I had my first child the world became the most gendered it had ever felt in my life. I soon realised I’d been groomed into thinking that bringing up children was an intuitive, natural pursuit, like growing seeds. Furthermore, I’d been led to believe that our children represent us in a public sphere, even, are tiny versions of us. But any parent knows that children are an unpredictable jumble of chromosomes who represent nothing except themselves and are as different to us as anyone. The pressure to be silent about motherhood was reminiscent of a mute Mormon wife or a manosphere girlfriend.  

Instead of silence, I’d love us to choose to reward ourselves and each other for our kindness, our open mind and our compassion towards others and their hardships. In doing so, we would show our children how to care for others; in this way, we would create a richer, healthier culture based on community. This culture would be distinguished by showing vulnerabilities and accepting differences wholeheartedly. It’s time to dump the patriarchy, and the Manosphere (Mormonsphere), by rewarding openness and by not punishing weakness. We need to nurture a healthy community now more than ever. 

I’d love us to reach out to other parents whose kids are having trouble staying at school or making friends because we know that a significant contributor to mental health is being accepted in our communities. I want us to normalise difference. If we silence ourselves around parenthood, we arrest the opportunity to unearth real community.  

Writing this book was my way of opening up those silences. I wanted to show that while the culture around schools and parenting can feel isolating, there is so much strength in honesty, compassion, and connection. If anything, I hope this story reminds you that none of us are alone in our struggles, and that the healthy communities we build through openness are far stronger than any rigid system.  

The Mother of All Calamities by Lisa Moule is out now.

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The Mother of All Calamities

by Lisa Moule

A relatable, humorous and heartfelt take on contemporary parenting culture, exposing the cracks behind the Instagram gloss.

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