10 things to talk to your kids about to keep them safe online

Check out some tips about keeping your kids safe online from the Cyber Cop herself, Susan McLean.

Susan McLean is Australia’s leading cyber safety expert and media commentator. Widely known as the ‘Cyber Cop,’ she was a member of Victoria Police for 27 years and has extensive national and international experience and qualifications.

The author of the bestselling Sexts, Text and Selfies now returns with an easy-to-use handbook every parent needs to build their child’s ‘digital armour’ including:

• Expert strategies for preventing cyberbullying and grooming

• Up-to-date advice on AI, deepfakes and emerging threats

• How to handle image abuse and online risks

• Managing screen time, social media and digital footprints.

  
  

In the extract below, Susan gives parents some pointers on how to start tough conversations with confidence.  

The online world an adult knows and experiences does not exist for young people. They do not see separate online and offline worlds; they move seamlessly between them, considering them one place. They have no experience of a time before they could connect when, where and how they choose.

While today’s technology can provide young people with amazing benefits, there are risks and dangers. The same technology that can assist them to learn, communicate and play can also expose them to the following:

• Inappropriate and violent content

• Cyberbullying

• Grooming

• Identity theft

• Misuse of AI

• Pornography

• Sexting-sending and receiving nudes

• ‘Sextortion’

The perceived anonymity the internet provides gives many young people a false sense of disinhibition, meaning they engage in behaviours that they would likely not consider in real life. And, as every parent knows, most kids are certain they won’t make poor choices, and that they will be able to sort out the good from the bad.

Being an effective parent today requires a good understanding of the digital space. Like everything else your children encounter and engage with, you need to talk to them about all that comes with being connected. When it comes to technology, be informed, be empowered and be in control.

Being an effective parent requires an understanding of technology use and of the digital landscape. It is not something that is going to go away. Your children will not simply ‘get over it’ and move on. Like everything else they engage with or encounter, you need to be able to talk to them about everything that comes with being connected. When it comes to technology, be informed, be empowered and be in control.

While conversations should be appropriate to a child’s age and developmental level, the content that should be covered in all conversations remains broadly the same. The key is to talk to your child early and often—but remember, it is never too late to start the conversations on this very important topic.

So, what are the key areas when you’re talking about tech issues with young people? Here are ten topics to start the conversations.

1. Respect, responsibility and reputation—the three R’s

If everyone exercised respect and responsibility when using tech, there would be far fewer online issues. Practising these concepts from an early age will ensure that good online habits become the norm. Just like bad habits are hard to break, good ones become easier to stick to. Before using tech, we should encourage the following reflections:

1. Is what I am about to do showing respect for myself, my body and others?

2. Is what I am about to do a responsible use of technology? 

3. How is what I am about to do going to affect my digital reputation?

   
   

If you are engaging online with the concept of respect and responsibility at the core of your choices, you will not hurt someone else, engage in illegal behaviour or leave behind content likely to negatively impact your digital reputation.

2. Cyberspace is a public place, not a private space

Regardless of where you go, what you do or how you set up your accounts, the reality is that everything you do online is essentially in the public domain. The law of unintended consequences plays out here, where your intended audience is different from where the content lands or where it is further shared. You can have a high level of security online but never 100 per cent privacy. Even if your accounts are set to ‘private’ (which they should be), you are at the mercy of those you have followed or friended, and often their contacts as well. Sadly, sometimes trust is betrayed and someone’s private content is reposted without their consent. Even if your content cannot be publicly accessed when posted, your account or the account of a contact can be compromised and content taken and used. If there is a digital copy of something, there is a very real possibility that it makes its way into the public domain at some future time.

3. Nothing can be totally deleted

While the undo button can solve many issues, and the recycle or the trash bin on your computer can be emptied, a digital forensics expert and/or police can retrieve almost anything, regardless of whether you can find it or not. The same goes with mobile phones. A record of most things you use the phone for can be retrieved and handed over to law enforcement if a request (made via a clearly defined legal process) is made to the telco providing your mobile service. Using Incognito mode, InPrivate or Private Browsing does not mean your search history cannot be found.

4. You are never anonymous online

No matter what you call yourself, no matter what accounts you set up and in what name, you are never truly anonymous online. We might have a perception of anonymity, thinking we can hide behind a fake account or a different name or use an avatar, perhaps we might try using a platform that promises ‘anonymous’ communication, but if someone really needs to work out who is behind a phone number or who set up or is using an account, it can usually be done. Police worldwide have the ability to obtain and serve warrants on websites, telcos and ISPs requiring them to hand over the identification of a user account and the content of accounts when investigating criminal offences committed using digital technology.

5. You always leave a digital footprint

Everywhere you go online leaves a trace. Your digital footprint creates your digital reputation, so you do need to think about what you search for, the sites you visit, your posts and who you engage with online. If you are mentioned or tagged in someone else’s content, or if you are with someone online when they are participating in disrespectful or illegal behaviour, it will only be a matter of when you get caught, not if. You may have forgotten the comment or post but the internet never forgets.

6. Manners maketh the man, women or child

Online or digital etiquette (sometimes known as ‘netiquette’) is an important concept for everyone to understand. Manners are as important online as they are in real life. What are some basics to talk to children about?

• Remember that words do not convey facial expressions or emotion, so always be aware of your tone. Consider if something you say could be taken the wrong way.

• When using emojis, remember that some people might interpret them differently

• Writing in all capitals is the digital equivalent of shouting, so please don’t.

• Be mindful of swearing and of using offensive language. You might see the words as acceptable but others might not.

• Don’t text, post, message or email when you are overtired, emotional, angry, upset or drunk. If you can’t calmly pause and reflect prior to sending it, then leave it until the morning.

• Treat others as you would like to be treated. Remember, once a message is sent, it’s out of your control.  

  
  

A good rule of thumb is that if you couldn’t or wouldn’t say something to a person’s face or in public, then you probably shouldn’t say it online.

7. Passwords must never be shared

As simple as the concept of not sharing your password is, you would be amazed how many children do just that. Teach your children that passwords are a secret that they must only share with Mum, Dad and (when appropriate) their teacher, and that they should tell you if anyone asks for their password, or if they have mistakenly given it to someone else. You don’t share your toothbrush with your bestie, so don’t share your password!

8. There is no such thing as a safe website or app

Many sites and games, especially those aimed at children, promote themselves as ‘safe’ or ‘kid friendly.’ This often lulls parents into a false sense of security: they believe that the site or app has an inbuilt safety setting that will protect their children. While some sites are far safer than others, due to a range of default safety and inbuilt parental controls, nothing is 100 per cent safe.

When it comes to safety, all sites rely on two things: the security settings being used; and the honesty and intention of the user. As we know, there are plenty of people in real life that prey on the vulnerable. Even children know that they can set up accounts quickly and easily and use these to cyberbully others. Allow your children to use sites that you approve of, but do so with the knowledge that anyone—good, bad, old, young and everyone in between—may be there as well. Ensuring you enable all the relevant security and safety settings the app, game, site or platform provides is vital. Almost all services have a variety of parental controls, often called the ‘family safety centre’ or similar. Check them out and enable them! They cannot begin to protect your child unless they are active.

And remember, there is no such thing as a truly safe website, just a safe user.

9. Anyone can be anyone online

It really is as simple as deciding who you want to be. Visit a platform or download an app or game, and fill in the requested information—truthfully or otherwise. Despite what sites tell you, there is no way for everyday users to accurately verify that the person setting up the account is who they say they are. Teach children that just as some people lie IRL, some lie online, and there is no way of really knowing if a person is who they say they are.

10. There are laws in cyberspace

The digital space is not devoid of laws and rules. If it’s a crime in real life, then it’s probably a crime online too. There can also be specific laws that are applicable to the use and misuse of tech. Internationally, if it is a crime in one country it is often a crime in another. Cross jurisdiction cooperation is high, and the fact an offender resides in a different state or country is not always barrier to an investigation by law enforcement. Ensure that your children or students know it can be a criminal offence for them to misuse technology or to bully or harass someone online. Educate them that the exchange of naked selfies or other sexually explicit images by those under the age of eighteen can be considered child sexual abuse material. This also includes the creation of AI nude images.

This is an edited extract from Growing Up Digital: Helping your kids and teens navigate life online by Susan McLean

Available now, where books are sold.

Growing Up Digital

by Susan McLean

A new cyber-safety guide for today's world, by a leading international expert and author of the bestselling Sexts, Texts & Selfies.